Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
