were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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