So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
