I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
