I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
