Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize