matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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