He uses pillows to masturbate.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
