in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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