my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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