I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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