So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
