I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
