That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you had me at cake vodka
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
