If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
