yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
