did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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