this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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