The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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