Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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