walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize