they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
