so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
