We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
