She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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