i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
