I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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