You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize