so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
