can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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