Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
