I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
