The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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