these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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