you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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