Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
