I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't deserve a penis
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I made him laugh his dick is mine
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
