I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Everyone says I win the strip club
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
how does that bad decision feel?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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