He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
