dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she peed on how many people?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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