And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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