do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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