I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
