have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
