p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
