Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
