Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
