Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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