So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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