my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
