That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
