remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
