you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
