Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
