Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
