Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
