Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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