I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
