There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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