she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
