I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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