i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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