You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
