i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
