you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
