I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
