The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
