I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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