Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
